Letter to my Students

Dear Students,

Most of you don't know me yet, but I will be your special education teacher this year.  I'm sure you've already heard some things about special education.  I'm sure classmates have made hurtful comments about special education, or about you leaving class to get extra help.   I know words hurt.  I know it's not as easy as "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me."  So, I will tell you that I can't always be there to tell those kids that those words are inappropriate, unkind, and completely unacceptable.  Instead, I will tell you this.  You are beautiful.  You are resilient.  You may not understand certain things in school as well as your peers, but you have talents and gifts in other areas that surpass any of your limitations.  You may be very artistic, or articulate, or athletic, or maybe you're really funny, or kind, or thoughtful, or a listener, or compassionate.  Maybe your musical, or theatrical, or a dancer, or a leader.  I could go on and on.  Remember your strengths.  Remember your gifts.  Remember that all of us (including your peers) have limitations. We can choose to let those limitations define us and hold us back, or we can choose to understand our limitations, and figure out what we need to do to overcome them.  I urge you to choose the latter.  You are not defined by your disability or your limitations.  You are defined by your character and by who God says you are and how He knit you together.

People will tell you you can't do certain things, or that you'll just have to accept that you're not going to ever be where your peers are.  Don't believe them.  They are wrong.  You can do ANYTHING if you work hard and trust in yourself.  Let's prove them wrong together.

I want you to know how much I care about you.  Even though I haven't met you yet, I am already thinking about you.  I am already thinking about how I  want you to feel when you walk into my classroom.  I am already thinking about what your family is like and how I can support you, and them.  I am already thinking about how to make every minute of my time with you intentional.  I am already thinking about what makes you smile, what you love to do, and how to incorporate those things into my class in a way that makes you feel known, understood, and valued.

I want you to know that every lesson is carefully thought through and prepared.  I want you to know that every time I plan a lesson, I think about every child in that class.  "What do they need?  How can I make them feel supported?"  I want you to know that I wake up at 3 in the morning thinking about the lesson that didn't go so well yesterday, or about that one student I am just having a hard time reaching.  

I want you to know that I am a person.  I have a real life.  And I have real feelings.  And even though they always tell us as teachers not to take things personally, I still do, and probably will for as long as I teach.  Not because I'm too sensitive or haven't developed thick teacher skin, but because I really care about you, and hate when I feel like I have failed you.  I want you to know that I discipline you not to make you feel bad, but because I care too much and love you too much to let you settle for anything less than what you are capable of.  And I want you to know that even when you are upset with me or don't want to have anything to do with me, I will keep pursuing you.  It will probably annoy you sometimes, but I will keep loving you.

I want you to know that I care about you succeeding academically, yes, that you'll make great gains in reading and math... but I care more about what kind of person you are and will become.  More than being academically successful, I want you to be someone who loves people well, who works hard, humbles yourself constantly to become better, to be compassionate, to contribute to your community and world in a way that is glorifying and beautiful to Jesus.

I want you know that even if you do not believe in God, that I will pray for you.  That I will always ask God to protect you, and that you would know of his heart for you.

I want you to know that after this year, after you move on, I will still think about you all of the time.  I will still think about what you are doing, where you are, and if I did as much as I could have to help and support you as a teacher.  I will wonder if I taught you the things you needed to know and if you are applying them in your life.  Most of all, I will wonder if you felt cared for and loved and known in my classroom.

All of these things, I want you to know.

Love,

Ms. Erin

2 Years In

Wow, my last post was from my first month of teaching 2 years ago.  I guess you could say I've been a little busy!  And here I am again, attempting to write another blog post!  There is no way I could possibly summarize my last 2 years in a single blog post, so I'll just try to write some key points:

• The first year of teaching is hard.  Really hard.  I worked harder than I ever did in my life.  I probably cried more than I ever did.  I never imagined it would be as hard it was.  I also never imagined I would get to find a job that was so rewarding and I was so passionate about.  I am honored to be a teacher and am grateful every day for the choice I made to become a teacher and for the opportunities I get to hear stories of resilient kids and to speak love and truth into their hearts.
• My first year I taught a little bit of everything (quite literally)... 2nd graders, 4th graders, 8th graders, and all grades in between.  I taught general education reading classes, along with handling a heavy case load (2 SPED teachers for a K-8 school with 650 students... you can do the math), teaching math, reading, social skills, and more.  Baptism by fire.  Sometimes I look back and am amazed I actually made it through that first year.  I think it is only by the grace and mercy of God that I made it.
• Year 2 felt like night and day compared to year 1.  I focused primarily on middle school, with a few upper elementary groups.  We had an additional SPED teacher, smaller case loads, my relationships with students were stronger, and I had a much better grasp on our jobs.  My students were making significant growth, teaching was becoming easier (although easier is subjective), and I was really enjoying what I was doing.  
• At the same time, I felt like my school was not the greatest fit for me.  As I evolved over the past 2 years, my teaching philosophy continued to adjust and shift, I was still battling for special education to have a voice in my school, and was really not getting the support or resources I needed for my students.  I also felt that I wanted to focus more on upper elementary- after 2 years with middle school, I began to think middle school may not be for me long-term, but I always loved teaching my upper elementary students. It was with a heavy heart that I decided to not return for year 3 at that school, and so I began to pursue SPED positions at other schools in Denver.  
• As I pursued other job opportunities, sending out resumes, attending interviews, etc., I ran into my former Instructional Coach, who took a job last year at an expeditionary learning school in Denver.  She told me they were looking for a new SPED teacher and honestly, I feel like I hit a jackpot.  This school follows a unique model, and its core beliefs and values align so incredible well with mine.  I am joining a very strong SPED team, with veteran teachers who are positive, passionate, and hard-working.  I get to focus on teaching 4th and 5th grade students with Mild/Moderate needs.  As each day gets closer to the school year to begin, I continue to get more excited and feel more and more lucky for this opportunity God has so graciously provided me.  
• Oh, and I got married.  Yes, in the last 2 years, I met and married an amazing man, and am entering the incredible season of marriage.  I am so lucky and blessed and learning each day how to be the wife God has called me to be. 
• Obviously it's summer right now, and I'm not always the best at keeping up with these blogs, but I will try to post more, to reflect more, and to include some helpful resources for SPED teachers... resources I wish I would have had a few years ago.  Wish me luck!!